Dallas, TX Mini-School Graduation 2006

Speech by Jill Tananbaum

My name is Jill Tananbaum. I am in the Tuesday Morning Melton Class along with Rox Black, Sharlene Block, Susie Collins, Tricia Gold, Salli Goldstein, Nan Heller, Jeanette Herzmark, June Leib and Paula Mandel. Susan Schwartz and Barbara Tommaney were with us last year as well.  I refer to these wonderful women collectively as “My Melton Girls.” Together, we have had the privilege of Gail Stolovitsky teaching us for two years and Laura Seymore and Pam Fine each teaching us for one year. 

The first day we started our class in August 2004, Gail asked us why we signed up for Melton. I said something like “to preserve Jewish traditions in my home, to become more knowledgeable, to be like my other gentile friends who take a “bible study” class, and to learn more about what I believe as a Jew.”  Others in our class spoke about wanting to learn about Judaism so that they could teach their grandchildren what it means to be Jewish.  Little did I know back in 2004 how important Melton would become to me and although my intentions for “why” I signed up for Melton were admirable and real when I started, this class became almost a figurative life-line for me when I was diagnosed with cancer one year ago yesterday. I think it’s fair to say that all of us in Melton got what we came for, plus a whole lot more.  Melton has inspired us to become Jewish learners.  We have built on our knowledge and experience of Judaism. The two-year course has challenged us to define what Judaism means to each of us. We’ve shared simchas, heartache, sickness, death and all sorts of life-cycle events.

In year one, we learned about the “Rhythms of Jewish living” and the “Purposes of Jewish living.”  We learned about the different types of prayer and the significance of prayer.  These lessons equipped me to understand how important and comforting prayer would become for me after I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  There’s a strong Jewish tradition, THANK GOD, of including others in our prayers.  I now understand why this is so important. I am grateful to each person who has said a mishabarach for me during the year.  I am also more cognizant of saying the prayer for others.  I now understand that prayer for the sick asks for healing but also prepares one for the possibility that the request may not be granted. 

I took comfort in spending my Tuesday mornings with my Melton community.  This class helped me to shift my focus from the mind-numbing monotony of chemotherapy and doctor’s appointments. I knew that they cared so much about my life.  Annie often reminds me about the class just after I had my surgery. I was absent and the Melton Girls were in the classroom passing around the cell phone (with me on the other end at home) all wishing me a refuah shelayma. Our class, which started as a random group of women in the community, has become a family – a havurah. 

In year one, we also learned about Kashruth.  For the children in the audience tonight, giraffes and reindeer are kosher, as are grasshoppers.  Rabbits and spiders are not kosher.  More importantly, we learned where in the Torah these rules originated.  We learned about the basic features of the Jewish calendar and the Jewish holidays.  We learned that the calendar is based on the moon’s rotation and on the most central event in Jewish history – the Exodus.  Of course, there’s an exception to every rule, and in some instances, holidays are observed based on the seasons and the earth’s rotation around the sun.  I learned that it’s a great family tradition to hide the affikomen in advance of the Passover Seder.  We learned about the significance of observing the Sabbath. In fact, after my surgery, the Melton Girls sent over a delicious kosher Shabbat dinner.  They could have sent dinner any night of the week.  What made this gesture so special was that it was tied to our class lessons and it showed that they singled out a significant meal for my family.  We learned about the significance of a bris for a Jewish male child and the subsequent bar or bat mitzvah for a Jewish child who attains the age of 12 or 13.  I am not sure I will ever relinquish my responsibility for either of my sons when they become bar mitzvah, but at least I now know that my children will be responsible for the mitzvot. We also learned about visiting the sick.  My Melton Girls have visited me over the last year, sent cards, emails, called, sent food and prayed for me.  They have embraced me as more than just a classmate and, likewise, I think about them and pray for them daily. 

We learned in the Purposes of Jewish Living about the importance of Torah study, creation and why the Jews are “the Chosen People.”  We learned about the mitzvot and the role of women in Judaism and in the Torah.

In year two, we learned about the “Ethics of Jewish living” and the “Dramas of Jewish living.”  The Jews have had, not surprisingly, a lot of drama over the years.  Ethics taught me many things, including that there are dozens of learned rabbis who each offer somewhat conflicting interpretations of the Torah.  Ethics also taught us that we should act in a life-affirming manner, protect the holiness of Hashem’s name, treat others as we would ourselves; we should choose good over evil and we should have respect and responsibility in relationships. The second year also reinforced that when we take a private act and make it communal, such as a marriage, it thereafter becomes holy because it belongs to the community.  Again, as in year one, we were reminded of the significance of keeping the Sabbath and honoring and respecting our parents.  We learned about our partnership with Hashem and how we are expected to intervene privately, gently and respectfully if we witness another Jew sin.  As a class, the Melton Girls were uncomfortable with the responsibility of being the Officious Intermeddler, but at least we know the correct manner in which to “interfere.”  We learned about honoring our teachers and being humble in spirit, rather than arrogant.  Moreover, we learned about tzedakah and justice and that the study of torah is ethical because it teaches us to analyze, be patient and it provides a framework for our lives.  Finally, we learned about the triangular relationship that exists between two people and each of these people with Hashem.  All of these relationships should be treated with a sense of dignity.   Most importantly, the class stressed that when life gets complicated, you can ask a rabbi to help you work through the issue. 

One example of how Melton taught me to cope with my cancer treatment was when my radiologist told me that the technicians would “tattoo” me for the radiation coordinates.  My grandfather had told me, on more than one occasion, that a Jewish person cannot get a tattoo – to have one, other than a holocaust number, would exclude you from a Jewish cemetery burial.  I visited Rabbi Gershon and he affirmed what Melton has taught us: Jews should act in a life-affirming manner. The laws are to live by, not die by.  If the best treatment included subtle tattoo dots on my chest, then that would be acceptable. 

Dramas taught me how difficult is has been to be a Jew in this world, whether it was more than a thousand years ago, within the last one hundred years (the Holocaust), or even today.  I am proud to be a Jew.  This religion and its history helped shaped who I am and I believe it gave me the strength and courage to fight on, especially over the last year.   If our ancestors could wander aimlessly in the desert after the Exodus, survive expulsion from Spain in the 1400s, sacrifice so much through the ages and persevere after the temple was destroyed – twice – then  I could get through my medical treatments. 

We also learned that while Jews have struggled against non-Jews, there are several instances of internal tensions among Jews and theology.  We learned why Israel plays such a significant role in the life of a Jew; for the spiritual, religious and political identity of the Jews was shaped in the land of Israel.  Most important, we learned the importance of religious tolerance.

What has Melton been for us for the last two years?  It’s a bond that transcends generations.  We look out for each other and we care for each other.  We learn from each other and we laugh with each other.  We have shared stories from our past and various instances in our lives where our “Jewishness” made us unique.  Our Melton community of learners has become a family. I am unsure whether Melton taught “The Girls” to act any differently than they have throughout their lives.  Rather, I think Melton reinforced that what they, the Melton Girls, already do on a daily basis is appropriate in a Jewish sense. 

I always wondered about everything that my paternal grandfather practiced as a Jew.  I remember how in his later years, as he was getting closer to meeting his maker, that he became more strict in his religious observance.  Now, I, too, understand why he did what he did.  I, too, feel a personal connection to the history, values and ideas in Judaism. 

I am grateful to Florence Melton for her decision to create a sophisticated environment for adult Jewish learning.  I also offer my sincere appreciation for Annie Glickman and Paige Merrett’s oversight of the Melton program.  I am also grateful to our teachers Gail, Pam and Laura and my Melton Girls for enriching my experience in this unique adult education program.  I will cherish always the warmth, friendship and generosity of my Melton Girls.  And, I will forever remember Salli G’s “Bubahmieses.”  The class helped me in ways I never imagined when I signed up two years ago.  I don’t think it was an accident that I learned of this course from my friend Laura Schindler and enrolled when I did.  I am grateful that this program exists and that the Aaron Family JCC offers this course.

Congratulations to all of the Melton Graduates.

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